Friday, 23rd August 2019

The Plight of the Modern NBA Fan

Posted on 07. Dec, 2011 by FSM Staff in Uncategorized

The Plight of the Modern NBA Fan

The NBA lockout is finally over folks. As hot dog vendors and professional basketball players gear up for a shortened 66 game NBA season, the common fan has been lost in the shuffle.

When news broke that a tentative labor agreement was reached, the feeling was bittersweet. I was happy I would get to see Blake Griffin do his thing, but also upset at the owners and players for putting us fans through this mess. Both parties had their hiss-fit over millions and billions all the while knowing we would be there with open arms when they finally came to their senses.

And that’s just the problem. The fans are never willing to lockout out the NBA. Our love of basketball trumps our poor treatment. We will sit there and take it month after month because we just want to see some hoop. The players know this and the owners do too. Why wouldn’t they take their sweet time?

I would love to lead a movement that calls on sports fans to boycott the NBA for these upcoming 66 games. If they don’t want to play the first half of the season, we shouldn’t be so eager to watch the second half. But there will be no revolution for me, especially in the midst of a recession. This country needs every job we can get right now from the parking lot attendant to the half-time show entertainment. Also, I’ve been itching to watch Blake Griffin’s high flying antics again. Did I mention I like Blake Griffin?

So it’s with great frustration that the loyal NBA fans around the world must usher in the abridged 2011-12 season. In a few years we will put all the negative feelings behind us and the outrage will subside – until this mess happens all over again.

A Letter to the NBPA and NBA Owners

Posted on 12. Jul, 2011 by FSM Staff in Highlight, NBA

A Letter to the NBPA and NBA Owners

Dear NBPA & NBA Owners,

I am writing to inform you that I am also engaging in a lockout. My situation is far direr than that of the NBA players and owners. For nearly 20 years I have been investing my time and money in the NBA, and I have yet to see any returns on my investment. Roughly 10% of my pathetic $35,000 annual salary goes to tickets, merchandise, memorabilia, parking, beer, and nachos. I used to have no problem spreading my money around to the NBA, but the players have made me see the light. Why would should I keep making someone else rich if they don’t want to share their profits with me? Even if the 2011-12 NBA season goes on as scheduled, I still plan to employ a lockout until the following fan demands are met:

-The NBA owners must do as much as possible to cover up news reports of players behaving badly. Perhaps the media outlets in North Korea can be used as a model. Andrew Bynum will still be allowed to “make it rain” by throwing his cash up in the air, the hard working fans just don’t need to see it or know about it because it makes us feel bad. Also, players should not be allowed to show off the ridiculous material possessions they have purchased with fan money on MTV Cribs.

-The NBA players must admit that what they do for a living is not important – at all. They throw a little ball through a metal ring. If the NBA were to end forever, the world would go on without missing a beat.

-The NBA players and NBA owners must share their wealth with the cotton candy guy at your local stadium. You know the guy I’m talking about – he’s worked there for 10 years and drives home every night in his Datsun with the primer paint job. He is also still enthusiastic about selling cotton candy for some reason.

-Offering contracts like Eric Dampier’s $60 million deal should be punishable by jail time, or possibly the death penalty.

-Fans will get back 1% of every dollar they spend on the NBA as a show of appreciation for making NBA players and owners filthy stinkin’ rich.

-NBA players will admit that their life is not as hard as they claim. Traveling from town to town on a private jet and playing sports is not a tough life. Having money, women, and weed available at all times is actually fun and can lead to good times, even if you are married.

-At least one NBA player has to come out of the closet as being gay and that player must be accepted by everyone. We know players and owners are greedy, but we’re not so sure they are good, empathetic people.

Once these demands are met, I may consider watching the NBA again. Actually, I would even settle if you meet me half way – it’s called a compromise in case you are unfamiliar with the term. Until then, it will be nothing but Major League Soccer for me because I think I make more money than most of those guys and I harbor no resentment towards any of them whatsoever.

Terry to Remove Tattoo if Mavs Lose

Posted on 30. May, 2011 by FSM Staff in General Sports, NBA

Terry to Remove Tattoo if Mavs Lose

On October 19th 2010, before the NBA season officially began, Jason Terry got together with his Dallas Mavericks teammate DeShawn Stevenson for a tattoo party of sorts. It was there that Terry got a tattoo of the Larry O’Brien trophy on one of his biceps, a gesture that was intended to motivate his team and remind them of the ultimate prize.

“It just symbolized the fact that we had a realistic shot of getting here,” an upbeat Terry told reporters. “If I didn’t think we had a chance, I wouldn’t have put it there.”

The Dallas Mavericks have been steam rolling through the NBA Playoffs, so the tattoo certainly did not hurt. Now the outspoken and superstitious Terry is at again. He announced to the world that he would have the tattoo removed if the Mavs fail to capture their first championship in the upcoming NBA Finals against the Miami Heat.

“I definitely know that it will hurt worse if I have to take this thing off than it did putting it on,” a brutally honest Terry said. He is embracing Dallas’ underdog status and is looking forward to avenging a 2006 NBA Finals loss to a then Dwayne Wade – Shaquille O’Neal led Miami Heat.

“Everybody knows that they’re picking Miami to win. We know that,” said Terry. “It really doesn’t matter to us. We know we’re very focused right now. We know what the job is and we know how we have to get it done.”

The NBA Finals start May 31st and can be seen on ABC.

Cuban’s Pride Costs Mavs

Posted on 04. May, 2010 by FSM Staff in Highlight, NBA

Cuban’s Pride Costs Mavs

In a rare display of public humility, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban recently apologized to the team’s sullen fans. He had hoped to make a bigger impact in Texas and he did not get the job done. The apology came on the heels of yet another disappointing first round departure in the NBA Playoffs.

“I’m not proud of my inability over the last 10 years to have the impact like I want to have, so I kind of feel like I owe fans an apology,” Cuban was quoted as saying after the 4-2 series loss to the San Antonio Spurs. This “kind of” apology is the best you will get from an alpha dog like Cuban. If he had humbled up six years ago, the Mavericks would probably have a championship banner hanging in the rafters.

For those with bad short term memories (and all the potheads out there), here is what happened six years ago. Steve Nash was a free agent for the Dallas Mavericks. Him and Dirk Nowitzki were two peas in a pod. Always on the same page. Instant offense. Nash expressed interest in staying. Mark Cuban expressed interest in keeping him. The Phoenix Suns had plans of their own however and offered Nash $60 million for 6 years, a hefty deal at the time for a point guard who was 30 years old.

Mark Cuban was adamant that he would not match the offer. He kept perseverating on the $60 million dollar price tag on Nash. It seemed to genuinely irk him. He kept mentioning it was a bad contract given Nash’s age. His actions ultimately led fans to believe that he did not think Nash was worth the money. Cuban faced criticism for his views but he never budged. Steve Nash signed with the Phoenix Suns and won two consecutive MVP trophies. It is impossible to say what could have been had Cuban swallowed his pride and opened his wallet.

Cuban’s refusal to resign Steve Nash is perplexing indeed. What was driving his decision? This is the same guy who gave Eric Dampier the kind of contract Nash was asking for (yes, that Eric Dampier). The same guy who gave an aging, ungrateful Jason Kidd a three year $24 million contract extension. Mark Cuban’s excuse of age and money does not stand the test of time. He has a history of paying more for less.

It is easy to sit back and say that the Mavericks would have won a title had the duo of Dirk/Nash remained intact. It is definitely something to consider though as both have three consecutive MVP awards between them.


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